Dear Sarah

Dear Sarah,

It’s funny, I guess, how in love we were. Are.

I read books, when I was a little kid, about perfect love stories, and beautiful, poetic, happy endings. I guess this is that.
It’s played out, sure, but that’s okay.
It’s not for them.
It’s for us.
Alex Doyle.
Sarah Anders.
That’s how everyone knew us, never one without the other. Never just Sarah, riding her bike through the neighborhood, because I was there, trailing a little it behind. I never could keep up. I guess that’s why it’s SarahandAlex, not AlexandSarah. She lost her teeth first, she ran faster, she biked faster, she was faster. Sarah went fast through life in general. She had the wind in her hair, life, life, was a roller coaster.
So that’s why I’m writing to you, Sarah, because now, after everything, I want you to take a moment and sit. Sit down, and read this slowly.
Don’t rush through, for once.
You, and Every Part of You (A-Z)
Asking about my crush, asking about my grades, asking about my day
Asking about your outfit, asking to come in a rush, because you had something to say
Asking about my tears, and yours alike
Asking about my fears of the end of time
Because, there’s always a because
Be it for a vaguely questionable cause
Before you can judge the end of time, remember why, remember why
Because without the end, there’s no closure
Closure, darling, is eternal rest
Closure is relief at the end of the test
Closure is the security that everything’s alright
Closure is permission to switch off the light
Dance your way through life
Dance because you asked why
Dance because you made a mistake
Dance because you didn’t break at the mistake
Experience all there is to see, to smell, to hear
Experience everything–everything, my dear
Experience the prying eyes of the weak
Experience the bland, and the dry, and the bleak
Experience the bad to enhance the good
Forget some experience, I suppose that’s okay
Forget some of the blue, and the black, and the gray
Forget the scorn and the blaze in their eyes
Forget the way you ignited those fires
Forget some
Grieve your losses
Grieve, it’s okay
Grieve because they’re gone, and it’s blue, and it’s gray
Grieve because you might someday forget their face
Hold tightly to what you have
Hold onto your palms, and the air, and your face
Hold onto your sanity–get ready to chase
Hold onto yourself, but not fickle days
Instant is an idea, a concept not to grasp
Instant is the feel of a plasticky mask
Instant is the silvery loop on your finger
Instant is wishing the ring wouldn’t linger
Join, you cannot do this alone
Join, because you’ll try, but you won’t find a home
Join, because home is in people, not places
Join, because friends are more than just faces
Kindness is underrated
Kindness should be inflated
K I N D N E S S, blow it up, print it on a blimp
Kindness is the cure to your incurable limp
Limp, what limp?
Limp that you can’t feel, not anymore
Limp that makes you stumble on your way out the door
Limp that would be gone without the weight on your back
Limp that could be cured if you stayed on track
More is a slippery, treacherous slope
More can bring downfall, or more can bring hope
More can pull your life either way
More can shove you down, or brighten your day
No, say it, no
No is okay
No is what you say at the end of the day
No is when you’re tired, don’t want to go out
No is when you should study, so put the phone down
No is powerful, so use it wisely
One compliment can change their life
One word of her hair or one mention of his tie
One can keep them going
One can give them hope
Purposefully walk across the stage
Purpose is the flour in your life’s great cake
Purpose keeps it real, and keeps it strong
Purpose is the baseline of your song
Queues kill instant, and that’s okay
Queues teach you patience, the patience to stay
Queues help you balance your reward and your pain
Queues are okay, don’t you dare walk away
Rewards are the oasis at the end of the queue
Rewards are the meaning, or so it seems
Rewards aren’t really, no matter your strife
Rewards are there to distract you from life
Strong is what you are, I promise. I promise
Strong isn’t lifting a car
Strong isn’t just looking away, but
Strong is also having the courage to live another day
Time is ticking, that’s what they say
Time is a constant, in a crazy way
Time is surreal, but the realest thing
Time is waiting for the bell to ring
Time ends
Until is time, and waiting, and queues
Until is staring at the clock, confused
Until is finally grasping reward
Until is finding the hilt of the sword
Until you win the battle
Void is the end
Void is the beginning
Void is up for interpretation
Void is nothing, a blank slate
Void is nothing, nothing to stay
Without is hard when it’s followed by you
Without is what I’m going through
Without is rage at Until and Time
Without is forgetting to fall in line
Xylophone is desperation
Xylophone is giving up
Xylophone is the lack of words that start with X
Xylophone is a word that feels used, forgotten
Xylophone, I’m sorry, we know how you feel
You I’m without
You is the time until reward
You is being strong, you is a hard word
You is three letters of bittersweet tears
You is so many memories, throughout the years
Z is finality
Z is conclusion
Z is closure
Z is when I get to see you again
Z is when I can witness your smile
Z is far away for a while, but that’s okay, I’m good at Until, now.
Our When was beautiful, as opposed to our rather bleak Now. I can’t wait to make Then the most incredible Time yet.

4 thoughts on “Dear Sarah”

  1. Sidney, this is so beautiful. I love this so much and go back and read it all the time. You are so amazingly talented. It’s incredible.

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